Two roads diverge before me…

Two roads diverge in the path before me

And sorry I cannot travel both.

Alone here I stand,

Looking far as I can

To where it merges with the shadowed woods.

Neither path is greener

Neither path is wider.

As time expires

There is no rewind.

The only certainty is my journey in mind.

As I consider two (now three) different career choices, I’m forced to dig up many of my inner desires.  As my former boss Jen Serra quotes on her facebook page, “life is not about finding yourself…it’s about creating yourself.”  Great point.  What do I want to create?

I’ve been told to just take each day as it is…to seize the day and make the “best” of it.  But how can I make the best of something when I don’t know what that something is?  When I went to visit Duke last week, I didn’t just pick up the car keys and drive.  Instead I looked on a map, got on the right roads, and planned my arrival time.   Now as I drive down the highway of time, where do I want to go?  This leads to a string of questions:

Why do I want a job?—to earn money/income.

Why do I want income?—to live and do the things I want.  Freedom.

Why do I want freedom?—to pursue my passions in life and make a difference.

Why do I want to make a difference?—I want to leave a legacy.

Why do I want to leave a legacy?—so I can live a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Why do I want to live a life of purpose?—to be happy.

I keep coming back to this same question of happiness…it’s such an elusive goal!  I would certainly love to talk to anyone who wants to share some wisdom on this topic.  In the meantime, I’ve got to define what kind of purpose I want to take on.

Men’s rules for women

I saw the following list of men’s advice to women on my friend Keiko’s facebook page.  It is very accurate from my personal experiences and I feel compelled to share this with everyone!  It is also told from the male perspective.

• Men are NOT mind readers.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. – You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Ask for what you want.  Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
• If you think you’re fat, you probably are.  Don’t ask us.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.
• If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
• We do not ask for directions.
• If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing, we will act like nothing’s wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.
• Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.

Lessons from a POW.

Yesterday I made a commitment to find something to smile about in everything I can.  Well, that translated (in practice) into friendly encounters with strangers both at the airport and in Fort Worth.  I struck up several exciting conversations and made several lifelong friends.

One of my new friends is a man by the name of Barry Bridger.  Barry is a retired Lt. Col in the military.  He was a POW for 6 years in the Hanoi Hilton camp in Vietnam, with John McCain.  His recollections of the physical & mental torture during those 6 years are both horrific and inspiring.  The man is probably in his 70s, but has the energy and vitality of a 30-year-old.  Barry attributes part of that vitality to the mental strength he built while in Vietnam.  In particular, they were locked in single cells with snakes & tarantulas, and were subject to random beatings.  But Barry made it out alive and is living life with all the satisfaction that a man could want.  I wonder what his rescue day felt like.  In a strange way, I find myself envying his POW experience?

What does it take for us to appreciate the little things in life?  Do we have to be burned by terrorists to realize what a wonderful life this is?  Do we have to lose a loved one to realize how precious life is?  Just yesterday a sick man walked into a gym and killed two women…I’m sure those women did not wake up that morning thinking, “How can I make the most of my last day on earth?”  I wonder if they have any regrets…or things left unsaid…

Another man I met was shot in the face and in the right leg while serving in Vietnam.  While he is technically 100% disabled due to a crippled gait, he works out 6 days a week, travels frequently, and spreads kindness to everyone he meets.  Does this sound like a man who is a cripple?  The guy is happier than most people I see!  Him and Barry have endured some of the toughest conditions that a person can encounter, and made it out livelier than ever.  They do not feel sorry for themselves.  They do not resent their fate or regret their decisions.  Can you imagine a 20-year-old learning that he would be “100% disabled” for the rest of his life?

I feel like a baby when I think about the things I complain about…having small eyes, having to choose a career, having a nagging mom, not being able to buy Gucci handbags…how petty!   We get so caught up in the daily hassles that we forget the bigger picture, and that is what we fail to train our minds to see.  Barry and the other veteran (we’ll just call him John) were forced to see the bigger picture when they had nothing else, and to build an intrinsic faith that nothing could destroy.  That is what I seek, and hopefully it will not require being captured by terrorists.

Tonight I will be having dinner with them and I’m curious to find out what their definition of success is.  For now, my goal is to build my faith by focusing on the intrinsic value of my daily interactions, my family, and my friends, because having a nagging mom is better than having no mom.

Doing ordinary things extraordinarily.

Yesterday I chatted with my best friend Wendi about this Quarterlife Crisis.  She asked me, “Why can’t success be measured by the number of times you’ve laughed?”  Good question Wendi.

I gave this some thought last night and decided that I would give it a try.  After all, laughing often requires finding humor and optimism in life right?   If we are always chasing after “success,” it will never end.  Thus I resolve to find at least one good quality in every person and situation that I encounter for the next five days.

She also shared with me a quote by an HBS dean: Do ordinary things extraordinarily.

When you think about it, that’s basically the only thing we can do!  In order to do well in the long run, we must perform the daily tasks well.  I don’t have to go to North Korea to save two journalists, or cure cancer. I simply have to be the best counselor/secretary/analyst/custodian/manager that I can be.  Only when I successfully master the seemingly “menial” tasks can I progress to the next level.  Jack Welch started off as a junior engineer at GE earning a mere $10K.  Twelve years later he rose to the rank of VP, and later became one of the most influential CEOs of the century.

Today I am a junior engineer.

Quarterlife Crisis

Last night at 6:30pm, I officially diagnosed myself with the Quarterlife Crisis Syndrome.  For those of you who have not experienced this, or who are simply too young (wow that makes me feel old), it’s basically a state of uncertainty and anxiety that many people in their mid or late 20’s experience.  It is usually caused by uncertainty about life–career, personal identity, purpose, marriage, family, friends, etc.   However, I believe that the deep root of this syndrome is a search for self-identity.

As a Generation Y baby, I lived the technology revolution.  Information is literally at my fingertips, and I can be/do anything I want to be/do.  That’s great isn’t it?   NO!  Having too many options is often a curse because of society’s high standards.  I don’t know who I am because I can be WHOEVER I want to be!

Now who do I want to be?  What do I want to do?  As a Dukie, my standards are insanely high for every aspect of life.  As a female, I have to assert myself as a competent individual by maintaining good grades and extra-curriculars, I also have to assert a positive social image…This means dressing nicely, watching my figure, knowing the gossip, and basically having my life together in all respects.   Thus no matter what I choose, I must do it right and do it well!  Failure is not an option.

So let’s talk career.  I want to work at a firm where each day feels like a blessing.  I want to look back and know that I made a contribution to my team, my company, and the lives of many clients.  Thus I can be a reporter, a doctor, a teacher, a consultant, a financial advisor…anything you can think of!   (I happened to have chosen the financial management/consulting route.)   My friends are already making huge contributions working in rural China, Vietnam, South Africa, and even in the US.  How brave of them!  Why can’t I be as noble?  Why did I pick such a conventional route?  Should I take advantage of my youth and join the peace corps now?

Now about my personal life.  I have no clue if I’m the marriage kind of gal.  My mom was fantastic at juggling a career and our family.  We had sit-down breakfasts and dinners each day, had a wealth of friends, and our laundry was always done.  She even maintained her own garden, so we went grocery-shopping in our backyard!  But she never rose to the top.  Her life was all about us.  While I love and respect my mom for everything she is, I refuse to choose that route.  Why?  Because I must rise to the top.  Of course, success is not measured by rank or salary, but instead by personal happiness.  But my personal happiness is measured by success!  …dilemma.

So what makes me happy?  Well, I want to be and do everything, and be successful at it.  (Sad but true.)  Right now I’m sitting at my kitchen table in Charleston, SC munching on Cap’n Crunch.  The Today Show is running in the background.  I have a couple of prospective jobs,  two awesome books to read, and many questions about my future.  Rather than getting up to do something, I have no clue what to do!  Is this the life I want?  What’s God’s purpose for me?  Why don’t I have a hefty trust fund to buy things with?  Do I want kids?

I am giving up an amazing job opportunity in China to be with my boyfriend.  In ten years, will I look back on this decision with satisfaction or resentment?  Is this an opportunity knocking or just another distraction?

Sadly, I now have the luxury and time to think endlessly about these issues each day…contemplate…and then question some more.  What a curse.  If you have a solution for this Quarterlife Crisis, I’d love to hear it.

Do not pay with a Debit Card at the gas station.

Hey guys, to those of you who have been reading my blog consistently, I apologize for leaving you empty-handed for a week.  I have been busy job-searching and getting my life organized.  I’m sure you would not have wanted to read boring filler topics such as “what I ate for lunch” so I just left it blank.  However, now I am back and ready to BLOG!!!

Today I want to spread the word about crooks using outside ATM machines & gas stations to steal your card information.  (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27085818/page/1/) They use reading devices called “skimmers” to retrieve your card info, and then duplicate your debit card.  There’s also keypad technology which senses your PIN number as you enter it in, and cameras which record your hand motions.  Basically, there are multiple ways to get your card and PIN numbers that are tough to spot.  Also, even some cashier workers will secretly swipe your card on a skimmer before sliding it through the real reader.  Thus don’t trust someone else to swipe your card either.

Now most of the time, banks will reimburse your funds if this is a widespread fraud event, but sometimes they will not.  I imagine that tax funds are usually used to foot the bill to catch these crooks and to reimburse the victims.  The banks will surely not cut from their CEO’s bonus check or quarterly profits to reimburse consumers for getting their funds stolen…So let’s help each other out by minimizing debit card transactions and drive these crooks out of business!  See the article’s second page for potential ways that you can protect your account.  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27085818/page/1/

cap & trade is the wrong approach.

The cap and trade bill favored by President Obama and many Democrats in Congress will not decrease global “smog,” and will instead hurt the American economy in the short and long run!

To preface, I am a fan of Obama and generally do not side with either party based on politics.   However, I smell real trouble with this cap and trade bill.  Stated simply, “cap and trade” will not work if applied only in the U.S.  It will only work with international participation.

Under cap-and-trade, in general, the amount of carbon that U.S. companies can produce is “capped.” If they exceed that cap, they can purchase carbon permits from other companies in order to produce excess emissions.   This means more profit for the sellers.  As for the buying companies, their costs will go up, which will inevitably be passed to consumers in the short run.  Perhaps we will see price inflation, perhaps we will see some companies go out of business.  In either case, American consumers will suffer due to the inability of some companies to sustain operations under a capped system.

In the long run, what do you think the companies that need more carbon allowance will go?–To places like China and India where there are no carbon emission laws!  Although the G-8 has recently reached a consensus on reducing carbon emissions by 80% by year 2050, it has no short-run goals for what they’ll be doing in the next few years.  Thus, American manufacturing jobs will be sent overseas, leaving more locals out of work.  The net result?–no overall change in the amount of total carbon emitted into the atmosphere due to other countries’ lack of involvement, while Americans bear high costs and fewer jobs.  Lower-income Americans will suffer the most.

Thus, no matter how ethical it might be to cap carbon emissions and “set the example” for other countries, we must be smart enough to not avoid economic disaster.  If we really want to reduce carbon emission, we must first turn to nuclear energy and convince developing nations like China, Brazil, and India to join us in the plight.  If we opt for cap and trade, we must cap and trade with all developed and developing nations.   Perhaps we must make concessions to developing nations to give them incentive to give up some economic growth.  I agree that something must be done about the environment, but only capping our own emissions will not help America or the atmosphere.

Cheating

What do people regard as “cheating” in today’s American society?  Does face-booking one’s ex count?  Dancing with others at a club?  Looking at Maxim?  Watching pornography?  What about sperm or egg donations?  And remember when Ross and Rachel were “on a break?”

Recently governor Sanford of South Carolina proclaimed that although his “soul mate” (yes he used that term) is the woman he met in Argentina, he is trying to reconcile his marriage with his wife Jenny.  I know that if I were Jenny, I’d divorce him today.  The past is the past, and you can’t live the rest of your life in pain or in a loveless relationship.  Even if you stick together for the kids, children know when their parents don’t love each other.  They are consequently put in a bad position…treated as the glue holding the family together.   That puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on them and will likely lead to a bad reaction later!

What about Eliot Spitzer, the former NY governor who paid for sex?  Even though physical infidelity took place, he didn’t declare the prostitute to be his “soul mate” on national television.   Is no emotional involvement okay?

What is it about cheating that makes it so hurtful?  Imagine if you found out that your special someone lied about his/her religion,  family background, or occupation.  Would you feel betrayed?   Personally, I believe that what truly destroys any relationship is dishonesty…which kills trust.  I also believe that the same sense of betrayal is what makes infidelity so detrimental to relationships, because it is usually a concealed act.  However, love has the power to rebuild trust in the event of any type of lie, even cheating.

Now, I do not believe that cheaters deserve lenient treatment.  In fact, they should be kicked in both kneecaps (because that’s probably what they did to their loved one emotionally).  But there is something to be said about a person who is willing to come clean and repent.  For example, the fact that Governor Sanford decided to give up his “soul mate” for his wife is kind of respectable in a weird way.  One may argue that he simply has too much at stake to get a divorce.  But the observable fact is that he made a terrible mistake, admitted to it, and apologized.  I think what’s most respectable about his actions is that once he did come clean, he seemed to leave nothing out….he wasn’t concealing details or avoiding questions.  It takes guts to do that!  And that kind of honesty makes up for the severity of his betrayal.  Maybe that’s why Jenny is giving him a second chance.

Nonetheless, we are putting too much pressure on ourselves to achieve perfection in every aspect of life, including our relationships.  We must look good, drive nice cars, get good jobs, and have perfect families in order be happy.  Are you kidding me?   Today’s divorce rate in America is 50% for first marriages, 67% for the second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.  (You would think that people will have learned from their mistakes by the third marriage.)  Basically when something isn’t perfect, we divorce.  Is that the key to happiness instead?  No.

Even something as terrible as cheating is forgivable if that person honestly repents.  Perhaps we are not perfect, and our relationships are not perfect.  So what?  Yes the betrayal stings and rebuilding trust will be long and hard.  But as long as we forgive ourselves for not being perfect (and realize that we are not the cause of others’ dishonesty), we can forgive them for their mistakes.

(Now if he/she does it again after repenting, dump ‘em and move on.)

Network providers are taking advantage of consumers

Time Warner, Comcast, and AT&T are notorious for their practices against consumers.  They will lure you into getting their service such as wireless internet, but then tell you that you can only get that service through their specific cable box (Comcast).   Legally they are not allowed to do so, but their service reps are instructed to lead you into thinking that it is your only choice.   This is like Verizon signing a contract with you and basically telling you that only their phones will work with the service, when in fact that is not true.  They will tell an 82 year old woman that her cable TV is working fine when in fact it is not working at all (Time Warner).  She subsequently goes for 2 or 3 weeks paying for a service that isn’t working due to contract terms!   They will not allow iPhone holders to apply a military discount if they are the primary account holder.  Thus if you join your dad’s account under a family plan, which is eligible for a military discount because the primary account holder doesn’t use the iPhone, you are not eligible for the iPhone 3GS upgrade discount.  This is because you as the iPhone user are not the primary account holder (AT&T).  What do you think this means for military folks?  If they want the iPhone and are the head of their household, they can’t get a military discount!  If they opt for a military discount by joining a family plan in someone else’s name, they are ineligible for upgrade incentives!  Is AT&T duping our brave military folks?  This happened to someone very close to me and I witnessed every detail personally!

These companies are using IT loopholes and “consumer ignorance” to dupe us of quality services.  The government is never caught up to the innovations of private corporations so we have a scarcity of regulations involving large network service providers.  Oh, and did I mention that Time Warner and Comcast are considering charging us for watching movies online?   Yes, they are planning to only allow their cable TV subscribers to view online videos for free, and pay if you don’t subscribe with them.  There are so many cases of their abominable practices to dupe consumers!  I urge you to stay vigilant and speak out when something unfair like this happens to you!

Below is a recent case involving Time Warner which speaks to the importance of penalizing large conglomerate companies that use tricky accounting and contract “loopholes” to avoid paying people.  The article below is obtained from Bloomberg.com.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

‘Hobbit’ Heirs Seek $220 Million for ‘Rings’ Rights (Update1)

By Brett Pulley

July 15 (Bloomberg) — J.R.R. Tolkien sold movie rights to his “Lord of the Rings” novels 40 years ago for 7.5 percent of future receipts. Three films and $6 billion later, his heirs say they haven’t seen a dime from Time Warner Inc.

The accounting methods used by New Line Cinema, the Time Warner unit that made the movies, will face a jury’s scrutiny in October, when the heirs’ lawsuit against the New York-based media company is set for trial in Los Angeles Superior Court.

The case, if not settled by then, may provide a window into accounting practices that let Time Warner deny proceeds of the Oscar-winning films to Tolkien’s heirs. The litigation also threatens to derail two “The Hobbit” films that, if their predecessors are a guide, could generate $4 billion in sales.

“Usually it’s not outright thievery by the studios, but death by contract,” said Pierce O’Donnell, the Los Angeles- based lawyer who represented the late columnist Art Buchwald in a successful case against Viacom Inc.’s Paramount Pictures in 1988. “It’s an esoteric world where black doesn’t mean black, and white doesn’t necessarily mean white.”

Tolkien’s family and a British charity they head, the Tolkien Trust, seek more than $220 million in compensation, according to Bonnie Eskenazi, an attorney with Greenberg Glusker, the Los Angeles firm representing the heirs.

The Tolkiens also want the option to terminate further rights to the author’s work, as the original contract lets them do in the event of a breach, according to the complaint. News Corp.’s HarperCollins Publishers, which holds Tolkien’s publishing rights, is also a plaintiff.

Settlement Talks

The two sides have held settlement talks, Eskenazi said, adding they remain far apart and are proceeding to trial.

“Should this case go all the way through trial, we are confident that New Line will lose its right to release ‘The Hobbit,’” Eskenazi said in an interview.

Time Warner’s attorney, Brad Brian of Munger Tolles in Los Angeles, said in an e-mailed statement today that the contract is ambiguous.

The company is asking Judge Ann I. Jones to reject the heirs’ claim they can revoke rights to the “Hobbit.”

—————To read the rest of the article, click on the following link: Bloomberg.com article.—————————–

Walmart

Yesterday I went to the Walmart vision center to get a contact prescription.  I was beyond pleased with everything about their service, from the initial phone call to the goodbye wave.   I didn’t expect this initially–I chose Walmart over other smaller places because they are everywhere…I can move around and still have access to the same store chain that gave me my first prescription.  Also, I won’t have to keep making sure whether the smaller and independent offices will take my vision insurance.

When I first called in, I spoke to a VERY NICE lady named “Sherice” who answered all of my questions in a professional and informed manner.  The service was phenomenal!  Next I went to my 3pm appointment and a strange-looking, but VERY kind young lady named Ruth did my initial prep and exams.  She was very conversational and helpful.  It seemed like she was very used to her job.  Finally, Dr. Reynolds came out to examine me and fill my prescription.   This was my first time getting contacts so I really didn’t know anything, but she took charge and made many useful recommendations based on my needs.   For example, I only need contacts in my right eye, so getting colored contacts would require putting a blank contact in my left eye.  Dr. Reynolds told me all the risks and benefits of getting colored contacts, including insurance costs, comfort differences, etc.  She was BEYOND helpful.   Oh, and did I mention the receptionist sat next to me and patiently guided me through the painful 15 minutes it took to get the contact in?  She was so nice–I can see myself inviting each of those staff workers to my block party.  Now, I went to Duke and have very high standards for every aspect of life.   Walmart’s vision care center exceeded all of my expectations!  A++

Now I know that Walmart has been notorious for taking sneaky measures to bulk up its cash supply.  There have been allegations that they “lock up” their employees to do extra work without paying overtime, they don’t provide adequate health coverage, they ruin small businesses wherever they go…etc.  I’m not refuting these claims, but THANK GOD FOR WALMART!  What would I do without the cheap prices and large selection of basic items?  Even their furniture looks decent, with bar stools costing a mere $39 each!  RoomsToGo have the same ones for $99!  Of course with Walmart’s furniture and larger equipment you have to put it together yourself, but I actually had a lot of fun doing so.

Who needs small antique stores?  Those are for people who already have everything they need and are simply doing some leisure shopping.  And who needs Harris Teeter when you can also get chicken from Walmart for half the price?  Now some environmentalists or animal rights activists might have some claims against Walmart’s treatment of animals, but if an animal is going to be slaughtered for food, it’s just useless to vouch for their “rights.”  I sure hope Harris Teeter chickens aren’t alive or something…

Oh and did I mention the ease with which Eric and I got a “cashier’s check” at Walmart for $0.69, whereas Wachovia charged $5.00 for their accountholders, and didn’t even offer it to non-accountholders?  I already know where I’ll be going to get prescriptions!

Walmart is like the “universal healthcare” of consumer purchases.  They will return anything without questions, provide all the basic services, sell you groceries, clothing, and furniture all under the same roof!  As long as there is a Walmart Supercenter  in every town, America will be well-equipped with everything it needs!  Now I do feel sympathy toward the small business owners that get the shorter straw in this competition, but this is capitalism at its best.  This happened during the late 19th century with the growth of mail-order-catalogues (Sears & Montgomery Ward), and department stores.  We simply have to adapt to the changing economic/consumer environment and move on.

And finally, to those of you who cannot stomach the idea of being a “Walmart shopper,” please don’t think that way.  There is nothing wrong with shopping at Walmart whether you are Obama or the guy in the Projects.  We are all human beings sharing the same country and similar ideals.  Without the guy in the Projects voting, Obama wouldn’t be where he is.   We are often so brainwashed by the media and by celebrity culture that we lose touch with reality.   Walmart is where mainstream America is…the skinny, the fat, the young, the old.  We don’t need to live in this pretentious “high society” to run up credit card debt by buying Coach bags when we can get the same type of bag at a cheap place like Walmart (or another Mart store) for $20.  We don’t need to skip meals or run 5 miles a day to stay a size 2 because we refuse to open our eyes and see the true variety in life.  I think America will be so much happier (and less mentally ill) once we learn to tolerate everyone in society.  We can start with Walmart.