On Morality

A few days ago I was at Walmart picking up some bread (it’s the closest and most well-stocked grocery store around here).  As I was walking down the bread aisle, I noticed a very “sketchy-looking” man who was obviously homeless or very poor.  He was wearing a worn-down and dirty winter jacket and carried a large bag.  His disheveled appearance was not a new sight to me, but what made him “sketchy” was the fact that he was secretly eating apple sauce with a plastic spoon and was standing suspiciously close the bread shelf.  I usually try to give people the benefit of doubt, but I am certain that he was stealing.

At that moment, I had a strong urge to walk up and hand him $20.  However after second thought I backed down thinking that he may just turn around and stab me for either 1) catching his wrong-doing, or 2) for pitying his situation and treating him like a homeless person.  I decided against giving him the $20.  However, that did not change the fact that he was stealing…

In a society where we all have to work hard and save up for what we want, I felt somewhat indignant about his misconduct.  If he needs a job, then he should go wash cars or mop floors or join a shelter….anything!  But he shouldn’t commit theft!   As a law-abiding citizen, I felt obligated to notify store security about this man.

But then it hit me–What must this man be going through?  From the way he was trying to be so secretive about his actions, it was clear that he knew it was wrong.  Plus, he wasn’t stealing jewelry or expensive items—just simple bread and apple sauce.   This was not exactly a Bernie Madoff situation.

Thus I was torn between the ethical decision of  “telling on him” and the ethical decision of “letting it slide” on the grounds of human compassion.  What good would come out of telling on someone who stole $3 worth of bread and apple sauce?  (I gave him the benefit of doubt that he did not have more stolen goodies in his large bag).  Would it make society any better?–Not by much.  Would it make his life worse?–Definitely.  Just think how hungry he must have been!

Thus I let it slide.

One might argue that I chose to do the wrong thing on that day.  One might also argue that I chose the right action as well.  Morality is quite subjective and situational.  For example, we all know that lying is wrong.  But what about those times when we tell our friends/relatives that they do not look fat in a certain outfit?–If the intention is to protect our loved ones, is it still wrong to lie?  I would argue no.

In my Wal-mart encounter, I made my moral decision based on a cost-benefit analysis which relied on quality of life as the unit of measurement.   I feel quite neutral about my decision–not exceptionally good or bad.   But I wonder how I would feel today if I had chosen to either a) give the guy $20, or b) blow the whistle.   Perhaps giving him $20 would have been most altruistic, but that would have also rewarded him for bad behavior… (and possibly gotten me stabbed).

There seems to be no resolution to this moral question.  Such is also the situation for many businessmen, politicians, and every-day people.  Thus the lesson seems to be that life is a just series of decisions…there’s really no right or wrong answer in an absolute sense.  The only compass available to guide us on moral questions is how we “feel” about those decisions both during- and after the fact.  And of course, how we “feel” depends on our personal values.

I vote for a National Values Holiday on which schoolchildren and senior citizens alike review and renew our personal values.

Where do “souls” come from?

Last night I lay in bed contemplating the realities of life.  I wasn’t trying to answer any particular question, but rather I was simply in a philosophical mode.  I thought about everything from solipsism to morality, to motivation, to time travel.

One thought that really resonated in my mind was the concept of “souls.”  Many people believe that when humans die, their souls/spirits ascend to Heaven.  I cannot deny this belief in myself.  However, I do not fully subscribe to this idea either.  Consider this logic: in order for a soul/spirit to go somewhere after death, it must exist during life; for it to exist during life, it must have existed before life.  (We will consider alternative assumptions later).   So where do these souls come from?  Perhaps they come from a distant “Pool of Souls” from which our Creator selects when he creates life forms.  (Who knows where this Pool is located and how many more souls are in there).  If so, then do insects and wildlife also have souls which ascend to Heaven?  If not, why do humans have “souls” while other life forms do not?

Now, if my earlier assumption was incorrect and souls do not exist before birth, then how is a soul “born?”  Is it simply an aggregate of one’s thoughts and beliefs during life?  For example, if you do not believe that God exists, then He doesn’t; if you believe that telling the truth is moral, then it is.  Similarly, if you believe that you have a soul/spirit, then you do.  My next question, then, is obvious: Is one’s soul merely a product of his beliefs?  Do infants have souls?

I have proposed a lot of unanswerable questions that might cause some readers to think that I am either crazy or have too much time on my hands.  Without getting all philosophical about what’s “crazy” and what’s not, I can assure you that neither is the case.  If someone has an answer or an idea on this concept of souls, please share.  I believe that there is an answer to every question whether we believe those answers or not.

Our bowing president.

It has certainly been a while since I’ve written a blog entry. But today’s topic is one that hits me close to heart—the issue of cross-cultural adaptation. If you have been following the news lately, then you may have heard about Obama’s bowing to various heads of state during his trips around the globe. Recently he bowed to the Japanese emperor, and again to someone in Shanghai. Back in April, critics also bashed Obama for “bowing” to the Saudi King. Right-wing critics are strongly condemning these actions saying that “if he wants to represent Americans, then he must act like one.”

My question to the critics is this: What exactly does it mean to “be American?” Do Americans not respect others’ cultures? What’s wrong with greeting someone in their native language? In the same way, what’s wrong with greeting someone using their cultural gestures? I believe Obama is representing America very well by being humble, open-minded, and respectful.

Think about it this way, when you speak to a young child, you bend over or squat down. When you walk into an Asian person’s home you may realize that they always leave their shoes by the door and thus do the same. This is not shameful…this is out of respect for their culture. In fact, such astute observation of another’s culture makes you more respectable and welcomed. Isn’t that the whole point behind Obama’s trips?

As a Chinese-American, I spent many years disposing of my “embarrassing” Chinese heritage such as eating family-style, eating spaghetti with chopsticks, not knowing the English word for “wrench,” not going to baseball games and going to Chinese school instead, having “fobbish” parents, etc. But now that I’m grown up and have basically integrated into American society, I realize the value of having a second culture in my past. I realize that there’s not much fundamental difference between an Asian lifestyle and an American lifestyle. You simply live. What’s wrong with watching Chinese soap operas as opposed to American soap operas? What’s wrong with having no butt? (It’s better than having a huge gut).

When I visit China, I eat all the exotic foods. I walk everywhere. I speak Chinese. I take cold showers. I ride the bus. Now is that un-American? Only in the sense that I am not living an “American” lifestyle! It doesn’t mean that I’ve somehow become less of an American citizen. If I were to speak Chinese here, most people would just walk away. If I were to eat snails and intestines at my school, I’d be labeled as “weird.” So the point is, when you visit or live in another culture, you must adapt to your environment. I’m sure when other heads of state come here, they have to eat with forks and knives rather than chopsticks or their hands…there’s nothing wrong with that.

So back to Obama. If he were to convert to Catholicism when visiting the Pope, and then convert to Buddhism when in China, then there could be a fundamental problem. However, he’s not doing those things. By greeting heads of state with their custom greetings, he’s simply building a bridge that no previous president has done. He’s stepping out of the cultural barriers and allowing our nations to be one step closer to being on the same page. America is a melting pot and we’ve embraced diversity within our own land since the 1960s. We teach our children foreign languages; we have Food Network chefs who teach us how to cook sushi and stir fry; we wear French fashion. So if we are so willing to embrace differences and learn each others’ way of life, what’s wrong with learning other cultural greetings and actually using them when we visit places? Maybe Americans see bowing as a sign of weakness. But as a person of Chinese descent, I know that bowing is simply another form of a respectful greeting. (I have even bowed to my friends in friendly gesture!)

 

Two roads diverge before me…

Two roads diverge in the path before me

And sorry I cannot travel both.

Alone here I stand,

Looking far as I can

To where it merges with the shadowed woods.

Neither path is greener

Neither path is wider.

As time expires

There is no rewind.

The only certainty is my journey in mind.

As I consider two (now three) different career choices, I’m forced to dig up many of my inner desires.  As my former boss Jen Serra quotes on her facebook page, “life is not about finding yourself…it’s about creating yourself.”  Great point.  What do I want to create?

I’ve been told to just take each day as it is…to seize the day and make the “best” of it.  But how can I make the best of something when I don’t know what that something is?  When I went to visit Duke last week, I didn’t just pick up the car keys and drive.  Instead I looked on a map, got on the right roads, and planned my arrival time.   Now as I drive down the highway of time, where do I want to go?  This leads to a string of questions:

Why do I want a job?—to earn money/income.

Why do I want income?—to live and do the things I want.  Freedom.

Why do I want freedom?—to pursue my passions in life and make a difference.

Why do I want to make a difference?—I want to leave a legacy.

Why do I want to leave a legacy?—so I can live a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Why do I want to live a life of purpose?—to be happy.

I keep coming back to this same question of happiness…it’s such an elusive goal!  I would certainly love to talk to anyone who wants to share some wisdom on this topic.  In the meantime, I’ve got to define what kind of purpose I want to take on.

Men’s rules for women

I saw the following list of men’s advice to women on my friend Keiko’s facebook page.  It is very accurate from my personal experiences and I feel compelled to share this with everyone!  It is also told from the male perspective.

• Men are NOT mind readers.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. – You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Ask for what you want.  Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
• If you think you’re fat, you probably are.  Don’t ask us.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.
• If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
• We do not ask for directions.
• If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing, we will act like nothing’s wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.
• Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.

Lessons from a POW.

Yesterday I made a commitment to find something to smile about in everything I can.  Well, that translated (in practice) into friendly encounters with strangers both at the airport and in Fort Worth.  I struck up several exciting conversations and made several lifelong friends.

One of my new friends is a man by the name of Barry Bridger.  Barry is a retired Lt. Col in the military.  He was a POW for 6 years in the Hanoi Hilton camp in Vietnam, with John McCain.  His recollections of the physical & mental torture during those 6 years are both horrific and inspiring.  The man is probably in his 70s, but has the energy and vitality of a 30-year-old.  Barry attributes part of that vitality to the mental strength he built while in Vietnam.  In particular, they were locked in single cells with snakes & tarantulas, and were subject to random beatings.  But Barry made it out alive and is living life with all the satisfaction that a man could want.  I wonder what his rescue day felt like.  In a strange way, I find myself envying his POW experience?

What does it take for us to appreciate the little things in life?  Do we have to be burned by terrorists to realize what a wonderful life this is?  Do we have to lose a loved one to realize how precious life is?  Just yesterday a sick man walked into a gym and killed two women…I’m sure those women did not wake up that morning thinking, “How can I make the most of my last day on earth?”  I wonder if they have any regrets…or things left unsaid…

Another man I met was shot in the face and in the right leg while serving in Vietnam.  While he is technically 100% disabled due to a crippled gait, he works out 6 days a week, travels frequently, and spreads kindness to everyone he meets.  Does this sound like a man who is a cripple?  The guy is happier than most people I see!  Him and Barry have endured some of the toughest conditions that a person can encounter, and made it out livelier than ever.  They do not feel sorry for themselves.  They do not resent their fate or regret their decisions.  Can you imagine a 20-year-old learning that he would be “100% disabled” for the rest of his life?

I feel like a baby when I think about the things I complain about…having small eyes, having to choose a career, having a nagging mom, not being able to buy Gucci handbags…how petty!   We get so caught up in the daily hassles that we forget the bigger picture, and that is what we fail to train our minds to see.  Barry and the other veteran (we’ll just call him John) were forced to see the bigger picture when they had nothing else, and to build an intrinsic faith that nothing could destroy.  That is what I seek, and hopefully it will not require being captured by terrorists.

Tonight I will be having dinner with them and I’m curious to find out what their definition of success is.  For now, my goal is to build my faith by focusing on the intrinsic value of my daily interactions, my family, and my friends, because having a nagging mom is better than having no mom.

Doing ordinary things extraordinarily.

Yesterday I chatted with my best friend Wendi about this Quarterlife Crisis.  She asked me, “Why can’t success be measured by the number of times you’ve laughed?”  Good question Wendi.

I gave this some thought last night and decided that I would give it a try.  After all, laughing often requires finding humor and optimism in life right?   If we are always chasing after “success,” it will never end.  Thus I resolve to find at least one good quality in every person and situation that I encounter for the next five days.

She also shared with me a quote by an HBS dean: Do ordinary things extraordinarily.

When you think about it, that’s basically the only thing we can do!  In order to do well in the long run, we must perform the daily tasks well.  I don’t have to go to North Korea to save two journalists, or cure cancer. I simply have to be the best counselor/secretary/analyst/custodian/manager that I can be.  Only when I successfully master the seemingly “menial” tasks can I progress to the next level.  Jack Welch started off as a junior engineer at GE earning a mere $10K.  Twelve years later he rose to the rank of VP, and later became one of the most influential CEOs of the century.

Today I am a junior engineer.

Quarterlife Crisis

Last night at 6:30pm, I officially diagnosed myself with the Quarterlife Crisis Syndrome.  For those of you who have not experienced this, or who are simply too young (wow that makes me feel old), it’s basically a state of uncertainty and anxiety that many people in their mid or late 20’s experience.  It is usually caused by uncertainty about life–career, personal identity, purpose, marriage, family, friends, etc.   However, I believe that the deep root of this syndrome is a search for self-identity.

As a Generation Y baby, I lived the technology revolution.  Information is literally at my fingertips, and I can be/do anything I want to be/do.  That’s great isn’t it?   NO!  Having too many options is often a curse because of society’s high standards.  I don’t know who I am because I can be WHOEVER I want to be!

Now who do I want to be?  What do I want to do?  As a Dukie, my standards are insanely high for every aspect of life.  As a female, I have to assert myself as a competent individual by maintaining good grades and extra-curriculars, I also have to assert a positive social image…This means dressing nicely, watching my figure, knowing the gossip, and basically having my life together in all respects.   Thus no matter what I choose, I must do it right and do it well!  Failure is not an option.

So let’s talk career.  I want to work at a firm where each day feels like a blessing.  I want to look back and know that I made a contribution to my team, my company, and the lives of many clients.  Thus I can be a reporter, a doctor, a teacher, a consultant, a financial advisor…anything you can think of!   (I happened to have chosen the financial management/consulting route.)   My friends are already making huge contributions working in rural China, Vietnam, South Africa, and even in the US.  How brave of them!  Why can’t I be as noble?  Why did I pick such a conventional route?  Should I take advantage of my youth and join the peace corps now?

Now about my personal life.  I have no clue if I’m the marriage kind of gal.  My mom was fantastic at juggling a career and our family.  We had sit-down breakfasts and dinners each day, had a wealth of friends, and our laundry was always done.  She even maintained her own garden, so we went grocery-shopping in our backyard!  But she never rose to the top.  Her life was all about us.  While I love and respect my mom for everything she is, I refuse to choose that route.  Why?  Because I must rise to the top.  Of course, success is not measured by rank or salary, but instead by personal happiness.  But my personal happiness is measured by success!  …dilemma.

So what makes me happy?  Well, I want to be and do everything, and be successful at it.  (Sad but true.)  Right now I’m sitting at my kitchen table in Charleston, SC munching on Cap’n Crunch.  The Today Show is running in the background.  I have a couple of prospective jobs,  two awesome books to read, and many questions about my future.  Rather than getting up to do something, I have no clue what to do!  Is this the life I want?  What’s God’s purpose for me?  Why don’t I have a hefty trust fund to buy things with?  Do I want kids?

I am giving up an amazing job opportunity in China to be with my boyfriend.  In ten years, will I look back on this decision with satisfaction or resentment?  Is this an opportunity knocking or just another distraction?

Sadly, I now have the luxury and time to think endlessly about these issues each day…contemplate…and then question some more.  What a curse.  If you have a solution for this Quarterlife Crisis, I’d love to hear it.

Do not pay with a Debit Card at the gas station.

Hey guys, to those of you who have been reading my blog consistently, I apologize for leaving you empty-handed for a week.  I have been busy job-searching and getting my life organized.  I’m sure you would not have wanted to read boring filler topics such as “what I ate for lunch” so I just left it blank.  However, now I am back and ready to BLOG!!!

Today I want to spread the word about crooks using outside ATM machines & gas stations to steal your card information.  (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27085818/page/1/) They use reading devices called “skimmers” to retrieve your card info, and then duplicate your debit card.  There’s also keypad technology which senses your PIN number as you enter it in, and cameras which record your hand motions.  Basically, there are multiple ways to get your card and PIN numbers that are tough to spot.  Also, even some cashier workers will secretly swipe your card on a skimmer before sliding it through the real reader.  Thus don’t trust someone else to swipe your card either.

Now most of the time, banks will reimburse your funds if this is a widespread fraud event, but sometimes they will not.  I imagine that tax funds are usually used to foot the bill to catch these crooks and to reimburse the victims.  The banks will surely not cut from their CEO’s bonus check or quarterly profits to reimburse consumers for getting their funds stolen…So let’s help each other out by minimizing debit card transactions and drive these crooks out of business!  See the article’s second page for potential ways that you can protect your account.  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27085818/page/1/

cap & trade is the wrong approach.

The cap and trade bill favored by President Obama and many Democrats in Congress will not decrease global “smog,” and will instead hurt the American economy in the short and long run!

To preface, I am a fan of Obama and generally do not side with either party based on politics.   However, I smell real trouble with this cap and trade bill.  Stated simply, “cap and trade” will not work if applied only in the U.S.  It will only work with international participation.

Under cap-and-trade, in general, the amount of carbon that U.S. companies can produce is “capped.” If they exceed that cap, they can purchase carbon permits from other companies in order to produce excess emissions.   This means more profit for the sellers.  As for the buying companies, their costs will go up, which will inevitably be passed to consumers in the short run.  Perhaps we will see price inflation, perhaps we will see some companies go out of business.  In either case, American consumers will suffer due to the inability of some companies to sustain operations under a capped system.

In the long run, what do you think the companies that need more carbon allowance will go?–To places like China and India where there are no carbon emission laws!  Although the G-8 has recently reached a consensus on reducing carbon emissions by 80% by year 2050, it has no short-run goals for what they’ll be doing in the next few years.  Thus, American manufacturing jobs will be sent overseas, leaving more locals out of work.  The net result?–no overall change in the amount of total carbon emitted into the atmosphere due to other countries’ lack of involvement, while Americans bear high costs and fewer jobs.  Lower-income Americans will suffer the most.

Thus, no matter how ethical it might be to cap carbon emissions and “set the example” for other countries, we must be smart enough to not avoid economic disaster.  If we really want to reduce carbon emission, we must first turn to nuclear energy and convince developing nations like China, Brazil, and India to join us in the plight.  If we opt for cap and trade, we must cap and trade with all developed and developing nations.   Perhaps we must make concessions to developing nations to give them incentive to give up some economic growth.  I agree that something must be done about the environment, but only capping our own emissions will not help America or the atmosphere.